Sometimes traveling is about the destination, but it can also include learning how to view experiences through a different lens – even when you are not far from home. People who are considering traveling by themselves often have two major fears 1) the possibility that something bad will happen and 2) that they will be lonely and miserable. The first one is a topic for another time, but I’ve learned that with a simple shift in mindset, I can go a long way in mitigating the second one.

I live in Connecticut where we have miles and miles of ‘Rails to Trails’ bike/walking/running trails (see link). I try to ride my bike three times a week, weather and spirit permitting. The trail goes right near my apartment complex and I can just hop on and ride my typical 12 – 15 miles (round trip) in either direction. Nine-thirty in the morning is my time to ride and most of the people who are on the trail during the week at that time are retirees or stay at home parents, often on the trail by themselves. People for the most part are pleasant and we typically acknowledge everyone we pass with a ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’.

A recent Sunday morning was a particularly beautiful day – sunny, low 60’s, low humidity. I broke out of my ‘avoid the weekend crowds on the trail’ mindset and headed out for my favorite ride to the trail bridge over the Farmington River. Perhaps it was something in the air, but I think it was more my awareness was targeting the right things. I noticed:

  • The ‘hellos’ and ‘good mornings’ seemed cheerier and more heartfelt.
  • The man who was running while pushing a running stroller with a ten-year-old boy (give or take) who appeared to have Downs Syndrome. The boy was enthusiastically greeting everyone he passed. I’m not sure whose smile was broader – the man’s or the boy’s.
  • The man walking gingerly holding a newborn baby in a baby carrier, likely giving the new mother a few minutes of rest.
  • The person with the bike shirt covered with sponsors tinkering with a bike on the side of path that belonged to a woman my age who, like me, didn’t have a clue how to fix it.
  • The woman (likely 50 plus) on roller blades, who was approaching the intersection where I was crossing and shouted: ‘Is it clear?’ It was indeed and she flew by me. You go girl!
  • The younger person holding the traffic on the crossing busy street so the older couple could cross without hurrying.

I began to think about how the people on the trail that morning were a community. We greeted each other, shared time together, conversed, helped each other, and appreciated each other.

I’ve told people that one of keys to traveling solo is to learn to participate with others – in a sort of community – for even brief periods of time wherever you travel. It’s hard to be lonely when you’re part of a community. These quasi-communities pop up when you’re on a tour with others, eating dinner at a communal table, or sitting in the common area in a hostel or hotel. They are not meant to be permanent – just people sharing the same time, place, and experience.

People have asked me how to join one of these communities. The easiest way is to just say hello and begin a casual conversation. If the person doesn’t want to participate, find another person. But what I’ve come to realize is that sometimes just being with others doing similar activities can be a community. You don’t have to engage in a meaningful conversation.

That day, I said nothing more than a bunch of ‘Good Mornings’ and one exuberant ‘You Go Girl,’ but yet, I was truly part of the community of people on the bike trail that morning. It’s all a matter of perspective. When you are traveling solo or doing activities by yourself, you can perceive that you are all alone in a group of strangers or as an alternative, you are part of a group (a community) of people doing the same thing as you are.

When I used to travel for business by myself, I often felt lonely especially at night. I was determined to learn to travel comfortably and happily by myself. Now I look forward to each trip and focus on the sights I will see, the culture I will experience, and the people I will share this experience with in a progressive series of communities that form throughout my trip. A good place to practice forming your communities is at home. Try it the next time you are on the bike trail.